What Being Present Means To Me

I am by no means an expert on mindfulness or living in the moment. I am a true worrier and have an overactive mind that keeps feeding me never-ending logistics related thoughts. Most of them are hyper-focused on the future and center around things I need to remember to do. And around food. If I were to make a word cloud of my thoughts, food would dominate for sure.

My first exposure to the concept of mindfulness happened during my college years. I had an anxiety attack, but didn’t understand what was happening to me until I went to the doctor. The doctor told me that it was, indeed, an anxiety attack and recommended I take a mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) class, which I promptly signed up for. The class was a 10-week long activity that I did for 4 hours every Tuesday night and it ended up being a very difficult but necessary exercise for me to go through. With the pace of my thoughts it was really hard to keep focused on my breathing, walk mindfully, or complete a body-scan. I kept trying to bring myself back to the moment, to refocus on the class, and be fully present, but my mind had other plans. Imagine my delight when we were asked to do an exercise on mindful eating!!!

During the class I also got a lot of book recommendations, and because I am a big self-help literature connoisseur, I read most of them in one sitting and forgot three quarters of what I read shortly after. The one book I still keep coming back to is Letting Go by David Hawkins. What stuck with me from the MBSR class and the books I read was that in order to calm my mind and prevent anxiety I had to acutely focus on the present moment. Easy to say, right? :)

Here are some guidelines I’ve outlined to help bring myself back to the present, which I hope can help guide others too:

1. Actively listening to my own thoughts. This isn’t a habit for me yet, but I try to do it as soon as I remember or if I can’t fall asleep — I literally sit or lay down and acknowledge what’s happening in my mind. Here is a trick I use: I wait for the thought to come in, observe it and let it pass along.
2. Only having expectations for myself. I’ve realized that as soon as I start expecting things from others I wind myself up and become impatient. However, I do have boundaries and needs that I try to communicate to people around me, I just try to focus on me, not them when I do.
3. Being aware of and listening to my emotions and feelings. It’s very easy to ignore the emotions we are experiencing, suppress them, or not pay enough attention to them at all. Especially if these emotions are strong or even overwhelming. I try to catch myself in those moments when I feel emotional and just observe what I’m experiencing and it helps to spell out what I’m feeling in my head. For example, if I feel down I’ll think to myself — “I’m sad and that’s okay. It’s just how I’m feeling right now.” Then I sit quietly and try to really feel that emotion all the way, it has a right to exist. Once I’ve felt it deeply enough, I let it pass.
4. Giving my full attention to whoever I’m with. This is a tough one and I can’t say I do it very well, just that I want to get better at it. This is really important because not only does it allow you to be in the present moment, it also helps you practice social mindfulness with people that matter to you. I am guilty of looking at my phone sometimes when I’m spending time with my family or friends… maybe more often than sometimes. Okay, I look at my phone a lot. But when I do catch myself doing it, I put the phone away and gently remind myself to focus on the people near me. Active listening helps to be even more present, with yourself and with others.
5. Practicing the loving-kindness meditation. In general, meditation is a great tool for being mindful and staying in the present moment, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to stick with it for a long time. What I found works well for me specifically, is practicing the loving-kindness (metta) meditation. This is a very simple technique that helps me focus on what matters most: being kind towards myself and people around me.
6. Going for short walks and just zoning out for a minute. I sometimes get so wrapped up in my daily routine — meetings, work, family logistics — that taking breaks becomes not only necessary, but crucial for survival. Stepping outside and enjoying the sun even for 15 minutes helps me come back to reality and untangle my thoughts. The key here is really trying to leave your routine and all that comes with it, out of your head for a solid 15 minutes.

Staying in the present moment is really difficult. One thing that motivates me in this whole process, is surrounding myself with people who are comfortable with who they are and where they are in their lives. Seeing them and being near them is a very strong reminder of why it’s important to just be — a very grounding experience that brings me back to the moment.